I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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