Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
