when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
