oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
