why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
