possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
