$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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