My liver just broke up with me...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
