GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
