This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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