Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
