can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
