I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
