It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
