OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
