Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
