btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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