So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
