I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
