Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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