Me too!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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