so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
