Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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