My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
