his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
