Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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