i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize