hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
