i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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