And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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