wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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