and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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