Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
