Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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