you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
