Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
