nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize