I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
