What did we do last night that was yellow?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize