My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
