yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
