xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
