This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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