Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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