So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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