She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
