So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
