at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
