You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
