party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
