I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
