tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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