my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize