HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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