Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
