We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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