Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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