I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
