I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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