Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
