Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
