No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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