I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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