tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
