i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
