why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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