i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
