if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
