i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
